Should Christians date non-Christians?

 I regularly read through Yahoo! Answers. I found one very intriguing question. A young woman was dating a member of the Church of Christ. He informed her that his parents did not approve. The reason he gave her was the Church of Christ does not believe in dating non-Christians. As a 36 year old, who is on my second marriage, this question hit home for me. You can view the full question at https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080408084244AAoOxnD. But, our personal feelings does not matter. What does the Bible say? Should Christians date non-Christians?

 

Everything God tells us has a purpose. God does not give us guidance just to see if we will do it. He wants us to cultivate Godly qualities. Jeremiah 29:11 states, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” For instance, why does the Bible tells us to give money to the poor? He tells us this to make givers out of us. It is to prevent us from being selfish. God created woman to be a helpmate for man (Genesis 2:18-24). If we want to understand why God tells us something then we must examine the purpose. To that end, what is the purpose of dating?

It is to find ourselves a suitable mate. Dating allows us to find that one person to spend our lives with. A man is meant to find one woman. A woman is meant to find one man. Genesis 2:24 states, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” Marriage is not just a test of wills. God does not simply want to see if we can “make it”. If we choose wisely then our wives possess the qualities that we don’t. Together, we make a great team. Through this union, it is easier for both the man and the woman to fulfill God’s purpose for them. It is not simply to find a sex partner. When dating, what qualities are we told to look for in a potential mate?

·        Good judgement is at the top of the list. 1 Corinthians 15:33  Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals." Every person we meet has an affect on us. We may not even see the affect happening. The more time you spend with someone the more affect they have on you. Even secular authors recognize this. Anthony Robbins lists good mentors as essential to success (Awaken the Giant Within). Faithfully living for God requires many Godly advisors. Proverbs 15:22 states, “Without consultation, plans are frustrated, But with many counselors they succeed.”

·        They need to fear the Lord. It is easy for someone to deceive us for a time. Many people get married only to find out the person is not what they thought. People can be very charming. However, “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:30). While the word woman is used here, it also applies to a man. For example, if you were to date an atheist then what do they call morality? Does it agree with your thoughts about morality? Why start a relationship with such a wide gap? If your potential mate fears the lord then you are starting with common ground.

·        They should ask questions? Think back to your child hood or to your own children. How many times was the word “why” said? Children ask this question a lot. They don’t do it to simply frustrate their parents. They are trying to learn. They want to know more about the world around them. This is a very healthy trait. God even encourages us to keep learning. James 1:5 states, “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” For anyone, Christian or not, to grow then we must be willing to continual learn.

·        They should possess self-control. Self-control is necessary throughout life. There will be many tough choices to be made. We may find ourselves with an unpleasant job. We may find ourselves with an unpleasant boss. We may face a lay off, loss of a home, or many other possible setbacks. Successfully recovering requires self-control. We cannot give up every time something is hard. 1Corinthians 6:18 states, “Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body.”

These are just a few qualities that a Christian should look for. Let us look at each of these qualities. Is it possible to find them in someone who is not a Christian?

Can good judgement be found in someone who is not a Christian? Bible even talks about people who find Godly principles by themselves.

Is it possible to fear the Lord and not be a Christian? Pages have been  written about definition of, importance of, and need for fear of God. One such article can be found at http://www.christianitytoday.com/biblestudies/bible-answers/spirituallife/what-does-it-mean-to-fear-god.html. To put it in simple terms to fear God means to understand his power and the importance of following him. Anyone who fears God will want to do his will. They not only will want the blessings that God provides but want to stay away from the consequences. There is only one way I see it being possible to fear God and not be a Christian. This would be a person who is new to learning about God. They know just enough to realize that he exists and expects something of them. Unless something kills this early fear then they will most likely become a Christian.

It is possible to find someone willing to ask questions who is not a Christian. There are many people in the world hungry for knowledge. Within this group, there is a large number that are asking questions about God. A Christian can help this type of person by simply being able to answer questions. However, a Christian can also kill these questions by giving incomplete or even no answers at all. There is much debate whether or not this type of person is suitable for a Christian to date.

Self-control is a much different issue for a non-Christian. Human behavior is driven by one of two things; pain or pleasure. We are driven to avoid pain and toward pleasure. God provides a moral compass that controls these impulses. Even some things that may be pleasurable are not lawful. Modern society has taken this to new heights. The “if it feels good then do it” crowd are larger than ever. How hard would it be for a Christian to date one of these people and not be affected? It would be very easy for them to pull the Christian away.

I am not going to give you a direct “Yes” or “No” to the dating question. There are a couple Bible verses that directly answer the question. However, it is more important to understand why we should do something. God gives us requirements to help us. It is not just some checklist that we must endure. I ask you to consider the traits that I have listed. Can you find these in a non-Christian? If so then what happens when you decide to get married? What will your children be taught? Will you be able to live faithfully and still have a successful marriage? I hope these questions help you to make your final determination. After all, our ultimate goal is to serve God to the best of our ability.